Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
