With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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