If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
