My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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