I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
