I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
