i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
