If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
