Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Drunk is not a location!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
