At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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