Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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