There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
