I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
