i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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