Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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