Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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