You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
