I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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