if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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