I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
