I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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