would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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