Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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