ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
