Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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