just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
