I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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