I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
