Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
