So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
