I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
