you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
