He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
