I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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