My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
