Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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