kristin has been a bad kristin
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
