dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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