You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
