I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
