Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
