i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
