By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
