Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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