I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
