On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
