2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
