My Higher Power is John Stamos
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
