chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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