I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
