I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
