Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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