So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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